WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS ULTRA DRAMA. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ.
I really have to post this. I know it might cause more drama, but in order to understand me, and why I don't put up with crap....you have to know where I come from.
My uncle recently got out of prison. He was IN prison for molesting his (then 4-year old) daughter. The girls mom changed their name and has done EVERYTHING she can to protect the girls from him, and my family has badgered and harassed her every step of the way, until she finally changed the girls names and moved them to a completely different state. I commend her for this. She should do everything she can to protect her girls, and it is SO admirable.
Since then, I have been able to come into contact with them, and start building a cautious relationship. I am SO grateful for this opportunity, and I am SO glad that I don't have the problems that the rest of my family have, and that I was a child when this all happened and was mostly sheltered from the situation.
The point is, since being released from Prison, my uncle has found out about my contact with the girls, and has badgered me at every opportunity about their whereabouts, whether they remember him, how they are doing, etc. Which, I tell him repeatedly, I will NOT discuss this information with you. And yet I continue to be badgered.
Recently, my uncle made a trip, and contact with his ex brother-in-law who told him the extent of my relationship with the girls. [READ: This man did NOT know the situation between me and my uncle and had NO way of knowing. He is in NO WAY to blame.] This last weekend was my cousin/best friend's baby shower. In the MIDDLE of the baby shower, my uncle brings up the situation and tells the whole family that the girls have contact with me and that I've been able to visit them, etc. And then proceeds to ask me questions *IN FRONT* of my whole family. I had made it very clear that not only did I not want to discuss it, I did not want the rest of the family to know. I just sat there and kept my mouth shut, as my family made extreme put down remarks including, but not limited to: "They should have seen ME before Tristan ever even had any contact with them. She hardly knew them at all." Etc. Etc.
You would think the drama would be over after this. OOOOOOOOH NO. In addition to being badgered about my contact with the girls, I have had to deal with extra.
I sent the email below to my uncle. I truly feel that this email was not rude in any way, nor was it intended to cause drama.
[NOTE: I have not doctored or edited these emails in ANY way, except to replace names to protect the innocent.]
Just for future reference, please don't put me on the spot like that again. I didn't want the whole family to know that I had contact with them, because I am NOT discussing them with ANYONE. So I just didn't want them to know at all. So please just don't even bring them up around me anymore. (Even if you are talking about the past.) If that isn't a possibility, than I just won't come to family functions anymore. It is too much stress, and I don't enjoy being badgered by people about things that I don't want to talk about.
I'm not angry, just please don't do it anymore. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.
His response? He unfriended me from facebook (I know...SO mature) and then posted his status as "[name] wonders how people get off telling me I'm not allowed to talk about my kids." He also told several members of my family that I had emailed him saying that I demanded he not talk about his kids anymore and that I was putting pressure on him, etc. My grandmother responded by saying that I shouldn't brag about my contacts to everyone, and then act like I had authority over him and tell him that kind of thing, and that I lacked compassion. My aunt's comment was similar. Yep - instead of asking me what was said, they made this all public knowledge over facebook.
The following thread ensued:
"Stop causing problems. Seriously? You're supposed to be a grown man. This family has way too much drama, and you and Nonna are the worst ones. Don't contact me, don't ask about [Name] and [Name], and make sure no one else does either. I'm done with the drama that comes with this "family." And I don't want anything to do with any of you.
Being in this family has done NOTHING but cause me problems and a lot of heartache, and I'm done. With all of you.
Don't ask about my family, don't ask about my kid(s). I'm done."
[INSERT: After I sent this email, he then sent that email to my whole family with this quote: "All I did was tell [Name] and [Name] what Tristan's email said. I said nothing to her, and I received this tonight."]
He then sent me this response, of course not sending his response to the rest of the family:
"You can talk and I can't? When are you going to quit telling people what they can and cannot do while you do whatever you want?
NOBODY tells me when I can and cannot talk about my kids! You need to pull your head out of your ass and realize you cannot keep telling people what to do and expect them to kiss your ass - you're the one that needs to grow up and realize this world does not revolve around you.
Nobody else seems affected by this "drama" but you - which means that you are the one that has the problem with it. Have you thought for even a moment that perhaps you have been the cause of it? I have bit my lip and made excuses for you too long.
You made your own choices. Stop blaming others for the consequences."
He then blocked me from facebook, so I sent the entire thread, along with the original email, to my grandmother, and the people that he told about my original "harassing" email. I then sent this response to his normal email:
"In my original email, I didn't say anything out of line. I said that you were making me uncomfortable. AND I didn't drag the whole family into it. It was between me and you. You were making me uncomfortable, I asked you to stop. I did not realize that you were going to bring the entire family into it and make me look like a bad guy, when I just didn't want to discuss something. So I'm sorry if that means that the world revolves around me, and that I want everyone to kiss my ass.
And what excuses, exactly, have you made to anyone about me ever? I would really appreciate knowing, and I would have appreciated knowing that I did something worthy of making excuses for in the first place.
I have made my own choices. And the choices I have made involved me asking you to stop putting me on the spot. The consequences were you telling everyone that I said you aren't allowed to talk about your kids anymore, and that I was a horrible person for doing so. When, in reality, that isn't what I said at all.
So, I am blaming these consequences, and hateful comments, on you. The issue was between you and I. You CHOSE to bring everyone else into and twist words around. I'm sorry that you felt the need to do that, but you did.
For the record, I sent our entire thread, along with my original email to [name], [name], and [name], so they can see what really happened. This is ridiculous. I can't believe that you think I'M the one causing all this drama. You had to bring everyone else into it. Well, Now they get to know the whole story. And if they choose to side with you after seeing that I was not rude or hateful in ANY way? Then good riddance."
That is my drama of the night. I am sorry this post has been SO long. But I feel that if you read this, you will understand what I deal with, and why I don't feel bad when I say that while I love my family, I don't care for them much at all. Don't make me that girl you feel bad for, it's not like that at all. I don't feel bad for me, I feel bad for them. And the fact that they can't understand how all of their relationships get so thoroughly destroyed. This, my friends, is a chance for me to FINALLY break free. I don't want my children raised in this kind of situation, and I am happy for the opportunity to cut ties.
But when you start to judge me for not putting my "family" first, now you know why.